AAAAH

doctors tomorrow!!!!

10.50

i must apparently weigh 50KG

but on mon i was 46 and then today weird fluctuation to 47.9!!!!!!!

i'm back

Right, so i've been gone - i've been in Rhodes Farm Clinic!!

They made me gain to 54KG!!!!!! or 8st 5lbs

but now 2 months after 'discharge' i'm back to around 47KG or 7st 7lbs

i need to be at 45, then 43, then 40 then eventuallly 31.

i'm back down to always less than 900 cals a day well today i has 747 :)

oh more bad news

my mother forced me off to the doctors

who saying i'm ill!

WHATEVE, it's a diet not an illness stupidoooo doctor.

so now they're all like we'll get you a eating disorder specialist and all that crap when i totally dont need it and they're only trying to make me fat which isnt hard considering i still am you can barely see any of my bones. so thats SHITTY!!!

Why

i was doing so well.

last week only 800 calories for the whole week

and the week before only 1250 for the whole week

so why did i just binge on 700 calories??

that will mean that this week i'll have

2450 (350 @ 7 days)

+ 700 (binge)

--------

3150

so

3150

- 700 (dance and kickboxing)

- 700 (wave machine 70 minutes)

- 700 (wave machine 70 minutes)

- 700 (wave machine 70 minutes)

-------

if i go to the gym 3 times; i.e friday, sunday and tuesday and ensure 700 a time and don't go over my 350 at all

i'll be on 350. for the week!

which i know is quite good but still i binged!!!!! really badly and that is not going to help me shift the fatness.

oh i just realised i havent updated stats for a while

CW - approx 48kg or 105/6 lbs

BMI - 16.7

waist - 22.5 in

thighs - 18in

arm - 8.5 in

pelvis - 32 in

hips - approx 33in

low hips - approx 35in

fat rating - HEFFA!!

christmas

today was christmas.

it was awful - i consumed 1900 calories. its okay though because tomorrow i will burn 1600 calories, meaning that i will have infact only consumed 300 as per usual.

however today i had a major meltdown when i looked in the mirror and realised how thick my stomach is. it's HUGE!!!

Also, does anyone know the size 0 measurements??

and if a BFP is actually any use because mine says i'm obese/ does anyone have an accurate calculator?

thanks, hope you had better days.

SHIT

OMG, so much for alls'well i've consumed 1250 calories today. 1050 OVER my allowance, i have no idea what happened i just started eating and couldn't stop the i couldn't purge god it's awful. i feel like i must have gained pound and pounds and pounds. i hate myself so much. i desperately need some inspiration...

AHHH those skinny arms and legs, and those checkbones LUSH. i thinks theres some xylophone in there too. lovely skinny girls. this is what one day i will be like too.

going well

okay so the last few days have been really really good. Even though i havent blogged, sorry about that, basically i realised the importance of counting fats and carbs too. and i've dropped my allowance, its now at <200 or less a day. i've lost 4lbs in 4 days and now my bmi is 18. god i'm so content right now, i'm still fat hidiously grossly fat but atleast the scales say its changing.